Inspired by 50 shades of grey!

The whole 50 shades of gray frenzy. Every day for the past month or two I’ve seen posts about this book, some of them have been reviews of the book but most have been insulting people who’ve read it and enjoyed it. I haven’t read it, people who’s opinions I trust say it’s juvenile and abusive however, many women seem to have connected with that so each to their own.

All the posts though have got me thinking, most of them have been by women, most have been scathing and belittling. Most have criticised the book as porn and mocked those who’ve enjoyed it. Here’s the thing, for all our talk of ‘sexual liberation’ we have, for the most part had that liberation within the parameters of the male fantasy, it’s understandable, men have been (for right or for wrong) placed in the role of being more sexual then women. As it has been more acceptable for men to express their sexual impulses publicly the response has been mainly geared towards men. What I mean by that is magazines like playboy, porn movies etc. are made with men in mind (obviously). As women we have been expected to toe the line, yes sexual liberation has been marginally accepted for us but mostly it’s so long as we fall within the expectations already drawn out by the bog standard ‘male fantasy’. I know some of my female friends fall quiet nicely into this very select group but I’m not one of them. And quiet frankly as a teenager it made me feel inadequate, I did feel pressure to be ‘sexy’ when that image makes me feel anything but. I’m not a porn star and I never will be, I don’t want to use my body as currency. However, I am human, I want to feel attractive and the false image of beauty can make that very difficult for those of us who would rather be seen as we really are.

What some of you will know is more then making young girls feel inadequate, I find the ‘barbie doll’ image offensive. The only part of an mma fight I can’t stand is having to watch girls walking round in their underwear with their knickers shoved so far up their bum they probably shouldn’t have bothered wearing them. I’d be all for it if I’d ever seen any of them with any expression other then ‘sexy pout’ on their faces, then I might consider they actually enjoy it. As it is all I can think of is that having a few hundred men wolf whistle at them gives them some sense of self worth. But it’s their life and their body so I will put up with it, even if I don’t like it. It’s the same with porn, over maculating men and objectifying women. Before anyone argues with me sit down and actually look at the women in porn, do they look like their enjoying it? Or do they look like a sex doll that happens to scream at just the right moment? Again it is offensive, not just to women by the way but to men too. It is degrading to both genders to think that men don’t care if the woman he’s having sex with actually enjoys it (there’s a word for men like that and it’s not nice) and belittles women to being nothing more then a doll with no desire or emotion of her own. It is, quiet frankly, the rape fantasy with an illusion of consent and it disgusts me. Whenever I’ve had this argument with people they always say “but she chooses to do it”, they have a point, some of those women do. What these so called liberals don’t like to ask is why. Did it never occur to them that maybe those women choose to do it out of some false idea of gaining self worth through the fantasy of men? Does it ever occur to some women that by adhering to this prescribed fantasy we are condemning ourselves to a future of inequality and the inability to live up to such fantasies? When is it our time to place our own fantasies, our own desires before that of the male population, most of whom we never have and never will meet?

Which brings me to fifty shades of grey. It is I am reliably informed drivel yes. However it is a fantasy, an abusive and aggressive fantasy that doesn’t sound like my cup of tea at all but let’s, for a second (and at the risk of sounding hypocritical) look at what this book could represent. For years there has been women’s novels, these book have had the pretext of being ‘love stories’ or ‘one woman’s rise to power’ but let’s be honest, most of them have some pretty epic sex scenes, which is part of the draw. The difference is that FSG has been publicly outed. Everyone who sees a woman reading it knows what she’s reading. And that holds power, we can now place women at the forefront of sexual liberation, we can say “this is our fantasy, this is how we explore our desires”, and hopefully now this book has been outed other writers will take courage (or revenge) and write something good. Because I know, that most women don’t feel particularly drawn to porn or pictures, most women like written fantasy, it is the details you get from a book you cannot get from a movie or picture, it is the racing of the heart, the shaking hands the little silly things that with any fantasy (not just sexual) brings it from words on a page to being real, even if just for a moment.

Finally, people have been saying that women criticise porn but read books like this, I mentioned risking sounding hypocritical and here’s my rebuttal, porn uses real people, books don’t. If a man wants to write down his fantasies and show them to everyone I have no problem with that, it’s his fantasy. The fact that women have done it first isn’t a better then situation, it’s just different. However this expression of desire becoming not only open but acceptable is, in my mind, essential. It gives us some control over the projection of ‘sexy’ that is fed to the world and it’s about time we had some. So ladies the next time you want to criticise this book, just think which is more offensive, seeing another woman reading a book, or being expected to look like a playboy bunny if you ever want a date?

(As a disclaimer I’m not talking about all men/women, I am talking more about the medias representation of both genders)