Good v Evil

Today while in the library a little boy went missing. His mother obviously panicked and it took a few minutes for people to realise what was happening.

This little boy was missing less then ten minutes, but within that time people dropped what they were doing a and looked for him. Strangers felt this mothers terror with her. Everywhere I looked there was at least one other person looking with me, the staff searched behind locked doors, there where people out on the street. And then he was found, his mother had him back. People in the library looked at each other in genuine relief and spread the word  to those still looking. All this made me think. We hear all the time about the evil in the world. Every person in that building was concerned because we know that real monsters exist. That there are people out there who would do unspeakable things to a child if they had that opportunity. Because of that knowledge they looked, they did what they could to protect a child they didn't know from a threat that was only possible. What is that if not good? Maybe the knowledge of monsters does not just expose the evil in the world but also the good. Fifty years ago when people didn't acknowledge child abuse would the reaction have been the same?

There is a saying, "forewarned is forearmed" and now we are forewarned. However the way we seem to arn ourselves is to shut ourselves off from the good as well as the bad. We no longer (if we ever) see the good people do. The everyday kindnesses of others. After the library I walked past McDonald's, there was a man who worked there holding the door open for and old lady. It was his expression that struck me, he wasn't doing it because he had to, he did it joyfully. When the woman walked past she stopped and thanked him, calling him a gentleman. Is not this ability to give to other, to empathise and show kindness or concern for our fellow man not what we should focus on when we describe humanity. To expose and revere the good that can be done, as well as facing the truth of  the bad. I say this because I sometimes feel that knowing bad things happen and not being entirely confident in the good creates fear, in myself anyway.

Another very recent experience springs to mind, yesterday I was standing outside, there was an older woman near me and a group of four or five young people. One of the young men dropped a piece of litter on the ground even though there was a bin right beside him. The older woman immediately chastised him and told him to pick it up and put it in the bin. He did, with bad grace and then he and his friends began to insult her, not directly to her but to each other. The thing that struck me most at the time was that she had spoken up in the first place. Now thinking in reference to this subject I realise I should have supported her. She was right and he was wrong and then they where mean and rude. I should have told them to stop insulting her, it was disrespectful and way out of order. But I didn't, I felt fear, fear of conflict, fear of what might happen if I did. If I had though, and if other decent people did the same in similar situations would that not create a society where treating others so disrespectfully would become unacceptable? Is the risk worth the reward? Should we risk physical and verbal abuse in order to support each other? Should we put what is good and right before ourselves in order to create a place where we all feel safer and more secure in ourselves? Is our fear just self preservation against the rising tide or is it the thing stopping us from holding that tide back from becoming a tsunami?

I wonder if we have damned ourselves to powerlessness out of not knowing what is acceptable. I for one strain against what I view as immoral out of lack of confidence that I am right. I sometimes think that we are in an age where morality and 'right' are no longer clearly defined. The ages before us had religion, but that is dying out, we are expected to obey the law but it is not always relevant to our daily experiences. Is it not now the age when our education and knowledge should be put to a logical and practical use by defining, not through law or religious beliefs what we as people deem acceptable. Rather then being out for ourselves, focusing on the one rather then the many, rather then relying on a government and legal structure that cannot be expected to hold our hands and fix every little thing. Rather then letting someone else worry about it. Should we not take back the power? Take back control of our country and say I've had enough, I've had enough fear, enough uncertainty and enough disillusion, now I want more, I want better then yesterday. I want to be able to leave my bag beside me and look away knowing that even if one person in the room is a thief, the others will will stop them if they try to steal. I want to be able to walk home at night knowing that if I am attacked passers by will help me. There is safety in numbers and the good outnumber the bad. So maybe we should stop cowering from the bad, come out from under the covers and face our monsters head on. I know that if I saw more people do the right thing I would feel empowered to do the same. I am resolving to try and lead by example. I am not guaranteeing success, I may find the fear is stronger then my desire to do right. I may just be an idealistic fool, who is dreaming of something that cannot be. However I will hold onto the last thing left in the Pandora's box that is our world. Hope. 

Inspired by 50 shades of grey!

The whole 50 shades of gray frenzy. Every day for the past month or two I’ve seen posts about this book, some of them have been reviews of the book but most have been insulting people who’ve read it and enjoyed it. I haven’t read it, people who’s opinions I trust say it’s juvenile and abusive however, many women seem to have connected with that so each to their own.

All the posts though have got me thinking, most of them have been by women, most have been scathing and belittling. Most have criticised the book as porn and mocked those who’ve enjoyed it. Here’s the thing, for all our talk of ‘sexual liberation’ we have, for the most part had that liberation within the parameters of the male fantasy, it’s understandable, men have been (for right or for wrong) placed in the role of being more sexual then women. As it has been more acceptable for men to express their sexual impulses publicly the response has been mainly geared towards men. What I mean by that is magazines like playboy, porn movies etc. are made with men in mind (obviously). As women we have been expected to toe the line, yes sexual liberation has been marginally accepted for us but mostly it’s so long as we fall within the expectations already drawn out by the bog standard ‘male fantasy’. I know some of my female friends fall quiet nicely into this very select group but I’m not one of them. And quiet frankly as a teenager it made me feel inadequate, I did feel pressure to be ‘sexy’ when that image makes me feel anything but. I’m not a porn star and I never will be, I don’t want to use my body as currency. However, I am human, I want to feel attractive and the false image of beauty can make that very difficult for those of us who would rather be seen as we really are.

What some of you will know is more then making young girls feel inadequate, I find the ‘barbie doll’ image offensive. The only part of an mma fight I can’t stand is having to watch girls walking round in their underwear with their knickers shoved so far up their bum they probably shouldn’t have bothered wearing them. I’d be all for it if I’d ever seen any of them with any expression other then ‘sexy pout’ on their faces, then I might consider they actually enjoy it. As it is all I can think of is that having a few hundred men wolf whistle at them gives them some sense of self worth. But it’s their life and their body so I will put up with it, even if I don’t like it. It’s the same with porn, over maculating men and objectifying women. Before anyone argues with me sit down and actually look at the women in porn, do they look like their enjoying it? Or do they look like a sex doll that happens to scream at just the right moment? Again it is offensive, not just to women by the way but to men too. It is degrading to both genders to think that men don’t care if the woman he’s having sex with actually enjoys it (there’s a word for men like that and it’s not nice) and belittles women to being nothing more then a doll with no desire or emotion of her own. It is, quiet frankly, the rape fantasy with an illusion of consent and it disgusts me. Whenever I’ve had this argument with people they always say “but she chooses to do it”, they have a point, some of those women do. What these so called liberals don’t like to ask is why. Did it never occur to them that maybe those women choose to do it out of some false idea of gaining self worth through the fantasy of men? Does it ever occur to some women that by adhering to this prescribed fantasy we are condemning ourselves to a future of inequality and the inability to live up to such fantasies? When is it our time to place our own fantasies, our own desires before that of the male population, most of whom we never have and never will meet?

Which brings me to fifty shades of grey. It is I am reliably informed drivel yes. However it is a fantasy, an abusive and aggressive fantasy that doesn’t sound like my cup of tea at all but let’s, for a second (and at the risk of sounding hypocritical) look at what this book could represent. For years there has been women’s novels, these book have had the pretext of being ‘love stories’ or ‘one woman’s rise to power’ but let’s be honest, most of them have some pretty epic sex scenes, which is part of the draw. The difference is that FSG has been publicly outed. Everyone who sees a woman reading it knows what she’s reading. And that holds power, we can now place women at the forefront of sexual liberation, we can say “this is our fantasy, this is how we explore our desires”, and hopefully now this book has been outed other writers will take courage (or revenge) and write something good. Because I know, that most women don’t feel particularly drawn to porn or pictures, most women like written fantasy, it is the details you get from a book you cannot get from a movie or picture, it is the racing of the heart, the shaking hands the little silly things that with any fantasy (not just sexual) brings it from words on a page to being real, even if just for a moment.

Finally, people have been saying that women criticise porn but read books like this, I mentioned risking sounding hypocritical and here’s my rebuttal, porn uses real people, books don’t. If a man wants to write down his fantasies and show them to everyone I have no problem with that, it’s his fantasy. The fact that women have done it first isn’t a better then situation, it’s just different. However this expression of desire becoming not only open but acceptable is, in my mind, essential. It gives us some control over the projection of ‘sexy’ that is fed to the world and it’s about time we had some. So ladies the next time you want to criticise this book, just think which is more offensive, seeing another woman reading a book, or being expected to look like a playboy bunny if you ever want a date?

(As a disclaimer I’m not talking about all men/women, I am talking more about the medias representation of both genders)